27 Dresses (2008)

Rated PG-13 for language, some innuendo and sexuality.

107 Minutes

Directed By: Anne Fletcher

Written By: Aline Brosh McKenna

I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich. -Jane

Synopsis

A thirty something woman has spent the better part of her youth supporting other women in their walks down the aisle as a bridesmaid.  After wearing 27 Dresses in 27 different weddings Jane begins to get attention from a local wedding reporter who finds her story more compelling than the weddings themselves.  Surrounded by a boss she’s in love with, a gorgeous sister she is in the shadow of, and a new friend who is not too shy to point out her shortcomings, Janes life is taking a turn she hadn’t expected.

Review

Apparently all you have to do these days to find true love is take your hair out of a ponytail and put some makeup on.  Voila!  No more bridesmaid!  You’ll finally be a bride.  This may not have been a direct message in 27 Dresses but it was one of the many visual supporting qualities that contradicted the con-deluded theme that this film presented on the surface.  Outwardly it’s presenting one truth to you while subsequently offering an entirely different ideal behind it.

The main piece of wisdom the story offers is an honest speculation about the motivations of people today getting married.  It really attacks the Wedding business for making everyone feel like they have to get married and spend a bajillion dollars to have a happy marriage.  Because of the socialized pressure to wed, people often marry for the wrong reasons, and then unfortunately poor sweet good people like Katherine Heigl’s character Jane suffer the demise of a limp ponytail and unrequited love.  While the movie circulates around this smart story motivator it either fails to make it’s point with a valid example or contradicts it’s self with the genuine desire of people to fall in love and get married for the right reasons. 

Heigl’s sister Tess played by Malin Akerman has a genuine desire to fall in love and get married and she finds the first guy with money and chemistry that comes along and almost right away sets the date.  Unfortunately her white lies are revealed and become a deal breaker for said fiance.  Where the film fails miserably here is using petty examples to end the relationship and it also seems to forget that beneath the Bridezilla of Tess and George’s eager trust, is the inert desire for love, not necessarily marriage, which shifts the films theme once again.

The most insulting aspect of the film was some of the visual metaphors.  Katherine Heigl couldn’t just be a stunning, drop dead gorgeous woman who simply hadn’t found the love she wanted throughout the film.  They had to dress her down until she became “I am woman.  Hear me Roar!” Suddenly she dressed snazzy and did her hair and put sexy makeup on.  The message that sends to girls and women alike is totally opposite of what the story’s message seemed to be.  I expect more from professional film makers than that kind of insulting mockery.

Cast

• Katherine Heigl as Jane
• James Marsden as Kevin
• Malin Akerman as Tess
• Edward Burns as George
• Melora Hardin as Maureen
• Judy Greer as Casey

The characterizations are a monstrosity.  Other than George it’s truly difficult to latch on to a genuinely likable character.  Jane, played by Heigl, is a weak, sappy woman who has no strength to stand up to anyone.  When she finally does it’s so inappropriate it’s not even worth applause.  Kevin, the Wedding Man, is essentially a fake.  He hates Weddings and love and projects this image to Jane throughout the progression of the film, then his real identity is exposed, then he exposes her frailty in the newspaper, and then finally in the end he declares he’s a hopeless romantic too.   Tess, Jane’s sister, is a young beautiful vivacious woman who isn’t all together upstairs but is an incredibly selfish self centered girl and becomes even worse when she’s engaged.  Her pathetic attempt to be an empathetic character at the end is lost on a entire story of her only caring about herself.  Ed Burns as George, this happy go lucky, lovesick guy couldn’t be more genuinely kind or in love with Tess, and then less then ten hours after their break he’s already testing things out with another woman?  I know this is a comedy.  But please throw me a bone here.

Ratings And Suggestions

I just couldn’t stomach the garbage 27 Dresses was shoving down my throat.  It indeed had moments of funny or cuteness, but in general was a melodrama of unlikable character’s doIng unrealistic things in a non-reality.  If the film had been loyal to it’s original theme, the outcome could have been very different, even with the desperate character’s, but it continued to bounce across the globe with conflicting ideals about love, marriage, and commitment.  I turned my DVD off feeling glad I took out my limp ponytail and finally found love and marriage.  I will rate it one star out of four based on the actors performances.  While their character’s were terrible they pulled off charismatic enough performances that I managed to not throw anything at the TV.  But that’s where the compliments end.

 

 

Jumper (2008)

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action violence, some language and brief sexuality.

88 Minutes

Directed By: Doug Liman

Written By: David S. Goyer and Jim Uls

Let me tell you about my day so far. Coffee in Paris, Surfed the Maldives. Took a little nap on Mount Kilimanjaro. Oh yeah, and I got digits from this Polish chick in Rijo. And then I jumped back for the final quarter of the NBA finals. Court side, of course. And all that was before lunch. -David

Synopsis

In the peak of adolescent disparagement a young boy finds himself able to teleport.  At first he has difficultly controlling it, but when he has an understanding and control, he takes off and leaves his single father alone.  Eight years later he’s living the high life, in a fancy penthouse visiting wherever, whenever he wants.  Soon, fate catches up with him and he finds himself in the middle of war against those who wishes all of his kind dead.  He then begins the fight for answers and survival.

Review

An action/science fiction film coming from the makers of The Jason Bourne Movies is something highly anticipated no matter what the subject in question is, nor your leading actors.  Jumper was not the awesome success that The Bourne movies were, but it was no slouch either.  Hayden Christensen is in his first leading role without a massive cast and already created mythology and fans to support him, and he pulled it off quite well.  If he can continue down this path as action hero there would be no complaints in my department.  The last many years I’ve suffered the dwindling capacity to believe someone can ever actually live up to the action hero status that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone created for the 80’s and early 90’s.  In fact, I’m resolved to say there will never be another Arnie or Sly.  Though guys like Vin Diesal and Matt Damon (in his case reputably) have attempted to play the part of major action star.  Hayden Christensen probably won’t fill those shoes either, but in Jumper he proved to be charismatic, masculine, and tangible all at the same time.  Being incredibly attractive certainly doesn’t hurt.  If he didn’t pull it off Jumper would not have been half the film it was.

The character’s were developed without giving too much away but their motivations that were the catalyst for the rest of the story were clear, concise, and made the future events plausible because they were focused and created at a natural pacing.  By the time David does skip past his adolescence into adulthood we see how his childhood trauma’s have influenced the way he has chosen to live with his gift.  His life is extravagant and glorified, but his is still alone and still yearns for the girl who stole his heart years ago.  The events that transpire after this are completely believable because of the early characterization.

Stylistically, the movie was not overwhelming, which was an absolute disappointment.  The way the Bourne movies, and even Mr. And Mrs. Smith were shot, were captivating to watch.  All had very definitive looks and textures, while Jumper clearly lacked there.  Some of the sites the film was shot at offered so much to capitalize on visually, but Doug Liman missed the marker entirely on that and resorted to focusing more on the visual effects that coincided with these amazing locations.

The visual effects did however rock.  The actual transporting, and the discovery of being able to transport other people, vehicles, etc. brought a continuing growing element that kept the entire concept fresh and interesting throughout the story, which was less than complicated itself.  But with solid acting, good character development, and some pretty intense effects, Jumper was a vastly entertaining movie to watch.

Cast

• Hayden Christensen as Davey aka David Rice
• Samuel L. Jackson as Roland
• Diane Lane as Mary Rice
• Jamie Bell as Griffin
• Rachael Bilson as Millie Harris
• Michael Rooker as William Rice

The best character in the story was Griffin, played by Jamie Bell.  His delivery was so authentic I found myself surprised to be watching a one dimensional action flick.  His charisma, and the depth he contributed made the movie all that much more.  Sam Jackson is riot no matter what he does, and pretty much succeeds in doing whatever it is he’s attempting to do in any role, be it ridding of snakes on a plane or carrying around a mans soul.  In Jumper he’s the big bad who leads the group that wants to rid the world of all the Jumpers and is pretty intimidating, charismatic, you know……all the things one expects from a Sam Jackson performance.  Diane Lanes small role was actually kind of awkward, though her character leaving the movie open ended in the way that concludes the story but is ready for another chapter, was not unlike the end of a Bourne movie, and I liked what that offered.  It was really a good cast that satisfied the bulk of the story in making the character’s plausible in a very unrealistic universe.

Ratings And Suggestions

Jumper was pure popcorn flick fun.  It’s not going to dwell with you for days, or be remembered as the best action flick of the year, but it certainly was a solid movie that may find it’s way into my DVD collection eventually.  It’s violence and action sequences are hardly offensive, and I really don’t see the crime in letting a younger than 13 audience view it.  For a lot of fun, with some pretty astounding action Jumper is your movie rental this week.  You won’t be sorry so long as you don’t expect Jason Bourne.  Three out of Four Stars.

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

Rated PG-13 for mature thematic elements, sexual content and some violent images.

115 Minutes

Directed By: Justin Chadwick

Written By: Peter Morgan

Betrothed is not married… It is a long way on bended knee to the altar. -Anne Boleyn

Synopsis

Shortly after Mary Boleyn has married a man with no title and no aspirations for one, her unbetrothed sister Anne has been offered the chance to work her way in as King Henry’s mistress when it is discovered his wife can bear him no more children, and he has no heir to the throne.  Anne fails to catch the King’s fancy, but her newlywed sister does by no desire of her own, and then finds the family being summoned to the castle so Mary may live in the Queens quarters and the king may keep her as his mistress.  Anne is enraged with jealousy but focuses her attention on another man, and when things become even more perilous for the family and their ambitions Anne is sent away to France, while Mary stays in bed pregnant with the kings child.  Upon Anne’s return things become twisted with even more devilry and scandal.

Review

Time pieces are always difficult, especially when real character’s are integrated into them, or a story as well known as the love affair between Queen Anne and Henry VIII.  The Other Boleyn Sister integrated the right amount of fact and fiction combined to make the story fresh, exciting, and if possible even more scandalous.  The real life story behind the Boleyn sisters is sketchy, with little proof behind much of what history has gathered, though the finale resolving Anne’s actual demise being unjustified and unfairly persecuted seems to be agreed upon a general consensus to history buffs.  However, this movie dabbles in fact, but relies solely on fiction to create a lustful triangle of ambition in the royal palace of England.

The textured characterizations this film omits become the driving force of the story.  The way ambition and corruption affect each and every character is fascinating.  The way the relationships alter, and family is torn apart for the sake of family captivates you and really lets the viewer ascertain the melodrama circulating between very specific events.  The complexity of each character and the perceptions they each make about one another makes the film suspenseful in it’s own right.

The cinematography was beautiful but the costumes contrasting it’s back round effects became a star all in it’s own capacity.  The magnificent reds, yellows, and greens were breath taking and the lovely ladies wearing them were along with them.  Henry Tudor’s excessive kingly attire was magnanimous.  The entire physicality of the movie contributed just as much as the script and the actors.

Cast

• Natalie Portman as Anne Boleyn
• Scarlett Johansson as Mary Boleyn
• Eric Bana as Henry Tudor aka Henry VIII
• Kristin Scott Thomas as Lady Elizabeth Boleyn
• Jim Sturgess as George Boleyn
• Mark Rylance as Sir Thomas Boleyn
• David Morrissey as Thomas Howard- Duke Of Norfolk
• Benedict Cumberbatch as William Carey
• Ana Torrent as Katherine of Aragan
• Eddie Redmayne as William Stafford
• Juno Temple as Jane Parker

Natalie Portman shows why she is one of the best young actresses out there today.  The transition of Anne from young affected girl, to the ambitious woman returned from France, to the mad Queen of England was natural and yet entirely distinct.  Anne was a very changed woman in each of these stages and Natalie Portman perceived it pitch perfectly.  Her performance was enamoring.  Her counterparts Scarlett Johansson and Eric Bana were no slouches in return.  Scarlett played the sweet, demure, and trusting Mary to an extent that made her entirely infectious.  Eric Bana’s portrayal of Henry Tudor interpreted him as a whimsical man, who was used to having exactly what he wanted and let his arrogance and desires rule him.  The trio is truly what made the final outcome of the tale so successful in it’s telling.

Ratings And Suggestions

The film is sexual in nature, not to mention the entire theme of sensuality very definitive from scene one makes this a very fair PG-13 rating and certainly not for the likes of a younger audience, though not too risque for a thirteen year old.  It leaves much to the imagination and frankly that is was makes it’s sensuous corrupt nature even more alluring.  The Other Boleyn Girl is the complete package for a film of this genre and only lacks in a few small departments.  At it’s very worst I would deem this movie a guilty pleasure for it’s erotic overtones and stunning actors and actresses.  I really enjoyed this one and give it Three out of Four ambitious stars.

National Treasure 2: Book Of Secrets (2007)

Rated PG for some violence and action.

124 Minutes

Directed By: Jon Turteltaub

Written By: Marianne Wibberley and Cormac Wibberley

A man has only one life time. But history can remember you forever. -Mitch Wilkinsin

Synopsis

Ben Gates is back with his crew for another adventure, but this time the stakes are much more personal.  Another adventurer has found a piece of historic evidence that links Ben’s great great grandfather to the Lincoln assassination.  Ben knows it isn’t true, but he must begin a series of discoveries in an investigation that leads him to Paris, Buckingham Palace, and even the White House, while simultaneously being chased by mercenaries after the Treasure he seeks to clear his families name.

Review

Sequels are often not as good as their predecessor, but when the original was only moderately good, you expect at least the same from the next one tossed out.  Such was not the case with National Treasure: Book Of Secrets.  It boasted a phenomenal cast and what turned out to be a pretty compelling plot and script, but none of it was ever really able to translate onscreen.

The soundtrack was just horrific.  It’s corny and campy style interjected at the wrong moments becoming a distraction rather than adding to the building suspenseful moments.  If quieter in the back round playing it may have been less of an obvious negative, but it was so cheesy and so in your face it was impossible to ignore.  The compilation of scenes often often didn’t flow together.  The acting was pitch perfect, with great delivery’s for all involved, but often their interactions seemed off from close-up to drawback.  This was obviously a flaw by the editor, director, or both.  Because of these obnoxious errors it became very difficult to connect with the transpiring events and our main character’s. 

The most frustrating aspect of those drawbacks is the fact that the story itself was indeed a lot of fun and our actors performances done very well.  If more time and care had been taken it had the ability to be just as good as it’s original.  It’s a shame that it wasn’t.

Cast

• Nicolas Cage as Ben Gates
• Justin Bartha as Riley Poole
• Diane Kruger as Abigail Chase
• Jon Voight as Patrick Gates
• Helen Mirren as Professor Emily Appleton
• Ed Harris as Mitch Wilkinsin
• Harvey Keitel as Agent Sadusky
• Bruce Greenwood as The President

There were great performances by everyone involved but Helen Mirren’s role as Ben’s mom was particularly noteworthy.  The chemistry between herself and Jon Voight put Krugers and Cages to shame.  Ed Harris playing the bad guy is always fun and Bruce Greenwood as the President was an excellent interpretation.  The character’s and actor’s that played them were outstanding.

Ratings And Suggestions

National Treasure: Book Of Secrets felt like it was quickly rushed together so the filmmakers could capitalize on a sequel so the parallel stories involving the cities of lost gold from Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull and itself would not be released simultaneously. While Book of Secrets beat Indy 4 to the release date, Indy 4 was compiled together in an elegant, love taken fashion whereas Book Of Secrets was not.  It was stamped and mailed before it was even finished.  It suffers the worst kind of fate of mediocrity in it’s ability to have been a much better movie if not rushed.  Nonetheless, it was delivered as a mundane film that by it’s finale the outcome was no longer even relevant to me.  I simply wanted to see the end credits. Book Of Secrets receives 1.5 out of 4 Stars.

Untraceable (2008)

Rated R for grisly violence and torture, and some language.

101 Minutes

Directed By: Gregory Hoblit

Written By: Robert Fyvolent and Mark Brinker

You know if no one was watching right now, you’d just be sitting in water. But the whole world wants to watch you die, and they don’t even know you. -Owen Reilly

Synopsis

A computer cop for the FBI finds herself in a twisted case involving a person killing people live on a website.  Do to issues with jurisdiction and complicated Internet mumbo jumbo it’s apparent these cyber cops are going to have a difficult time finding their big bad.  The lead investigator on the case is Agent Jennifer Marsh, a single mother who chose to work nights in order to be around for her daughter.  Her husband was killed in the line of duty and now it becomes abundantly apparent that Jennifer’s life is in peril as well.  What will it take to get the killer and where will he stop?

Review

Untraceable offered a modern day techno horror trip into the mind of a deranged serial killer.  The script seemed fairly on point, and most of the acting itself was well performed, but somewhere in the middle the two stories seemed to tug in different directions.  I really enjoyed the fact that the pacing was really slowed down and the character’s were donated a great deal of time to establish who they were and the changes the situation inflicted on all their lives. Especially the difference it had with them interacting with each other.  The character arc’s actually became more engaging than the terrible events at times, and often it was difficult to switch gears back into serial killer mode.

When the film was focused on it’s good guy search for bad guy theme it played that role out successfully as well.  It wasn’t a nail biting suspense thriller, but it did create a great deal of terror, moderate suspense, and an inkling for danger for each of the main character’s.  Some of the moments were predictable, specifically the fate of Colin Hanks character.  Within the first five minutes it’s pretty apparent what is going to get him in trouble, but the rest of his character development was satisfying enough that a turn of cheek was clearly easy in that selection.

The relationship developed between Marsh and Box was the most compelling aspect of the film.  The chemistry they had was palpable, but their relationship was played so low key and subtle it became almost electric when the two were anywhere in the vicinity of each other, and though things were clearly always on a professional level the realism of their friendship and relationship was something that gave the movie a lot more integrity and authenticity.

Some scenes were gruesome, and the film being shot in the overcast gray lighting that is Portland, Oregon left the film in an indubitable state of hopeless dread, which while not overwhelming was a lovely nuance in the back round of the depressing story.

Cast

• Diane Lane as Agent Jennifer Marsh
• Billy Burke as Detective Eric Box
• Colin Hanks as Agent Griffin Dowd
• Joseph Cross as Owen Reilly
• Mary Beth Hurt as Stella Marsh
• Peter Lewis as Richard Brooks

Being a massively character driven story, Untraceable required believable character’s and solid actors to play the main roles.  The leads played by Diane Lane, Billy Burke, and Joseph Cross were all very realistic in their adaptations.  While the dialogue and character choices were usually easy to buy, it was the performance behind the words and actions that really sold the truth the film presented.  It was cast nicely.

Ratings And Suggestions

Untraceable was probably one of the better suspense, serial killer flicks I’ve watched in awhile.  It only suffered a few moments of yelling at the character’s on the TV and telling them how stupid they were, and only had a few issues with balancing the crime story and the character developing stories.  That being said, it had an entirely original concept, which is difficult to find these days, real three dimensional character’s to latch onto, and a film that’s visuals really reflected the overall pathos the film gave.  It was a solid movie that might unfortunately get lost over time, but I consider certainly worth a rental.  Two And A Half Out Of Four Stars.

Goodfellas (1990)

Rated “R” For violence, sexual related scenes, and language

146 Minutes

directed by: Martin Scorsese

written by: Nicholas Pileggi

Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies. -Henry Hill

The opening line, “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”, sets the mood for the film.  Then we switch to Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) a Irish/Italian who is adopted by the local crime circuit.  He and his new friend Tommy DeVito,(Joe Pesci) a full blooded Italian, commence their romp into the world of crime with things as small as petty theft.  It’s not long before they move their way slowly up to becoming violent murderers.  Bred and raised by the mafia, Henry and Tommy begin to pull off some of the biggest heists of their time.  They fall directly under their mentor, the gangster Jimmy Conway (Robert DeNiro).  Jimmy, Tommy, and Henry are all lapping up the life of a rich gangster, enjoying their power and their brutality, but it isn’t long before things go off the wire and they head down a path from which they cannot return.

 

Goodfella’s is actually based on the book written by Nicholas Pileggi called Wiseguy.  It’s based on the true story of Henry Hill.  Martin Scorsese does one of his most brilliant jobs of directing the this gangster movie.  He makes the choice to have Henry Hill narrate throughout the film and I think it was one of the deciding factors that made the viewer connect with the character.  There were so many things Henry explained that the viewer wouldn’t have understood.  The story is really set up so you understand the true nature of the mafia, what they’ll do for one another, and the type of people that become gangsters.  In the early scenes after Henry takes up with Paulie, he talks about people carrying his mothers groceries home for her.  And his response to it is they did it out of respect.  But Scorsese pans out the movie so that the wide eyed excitement of youth in mafia goes awry when you are riddled with greed and a hunger for power, and suddenly he has the characters unwinding by their own delusion of their invincibility.  Scorsese uses his usual gritty style and cinematography that throws you right into the height of Brooklyn.  He doesn’t hold back on the graphic displays of violence or intimidation.

 

There was an “A” list cast to play highly developed, in depth characters that rarely get so evolved onscreen.  Jimmy comes off as a tough power house that no one can touch, but DeNiro plays a subtle bit of paranoia that rears it’s  head only occasionally.  Lorraine, Henry’s wife, even turns down the path of darkness.  She helps him hide his drugs and heeds to his needs, while Henry turns down the road of cocaine addict.  The only character that doesn’t grow or change is Tommy.  He stays tough, angry, and arrogant with the belief he is protected by his position.  It is not one dimensional, Tommy is just that bullheaded.

 

The journey’s that each character takes and the development of the story is remarkable.  Since Goodfellas was released in 1990 there has only been one gangster movie that was close to as good as it, and that was The Departed, another Scorsese phenomenon.  The scope of the movie, the ability to include so much about the characters, the plot line, and the bigger picture was never lost.   Goodfellas gets four out of four stars.

Meet The Spartans (2008)

Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language and some comic violence.

84 Minutes

Directed By: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Written By: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Yo mamas so hairy, the only language she speaks is wookie! -Leonidas

Synopsis

Meet The Spartans is a spoof on the film 300, it encompasses the same main story lines, such as King Xerxes is coming to take over Sparta, but Leonidas plans to defend against 100,000 troops with his thirteen skipping men.  The battle boils down to dance offs, a tell off battle, and comical almost fight scenes that mock the original tale.

Review

Meet The Spartans was unfortunately the pathetic disaster advertised by critics and peers alike.  Instead of rising above some of the more recent parody films like Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans only managed to fall into the same dismal attempt at unoriginal, unfunny jokes, while not even having the ability to conceive an original story out of 300’s plot line.  It stuck exclusively to the basics 300 set and never bothered to waiver from it.  The film never rose above a sarcastic friend commenting on the film while sitting next to you on the couch.

The first ten minutes actually proved to be laughable at times and offered the possibility of it being occasionally funny until the American Idol and Britney Spears moments were introduced.  If possible it only got worse from there.  The continued theme of pop culture television shows along with the mockery of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan was not only boring but predictable jokes that we’ve all heard before.  I am sure I am not the only person who is sick and tired of hearing the Lindsay, Paris, and Britney gags along with their overexposure on regular television and the magazines.  Let’s please leave them out of movies.  Beyond even that, the impressions of Paula, Paris, and Simon Cowell weren’t even good!  Their mockery’s show the lack of intellect and ingenuity of the writers and exposes how desperate they were for a cheap joke.  In it’s essence that’s what Meet The Spartans was: a cheap joke that just wasn’t funny.

The only redeeming quality was Carmen Electra.  Her performance was nothing to be excited about, but she is just hot and her hottness was not only on complete display throughout the entire film but focused on regularly.  For that occasional eye candy I felt compelled to keep my eyes open.  Just in case.  Otherwise, dozing off would have been a very real possibility.

Cast

• Sean Maguire as Leonidas
• Carmen Electra as Queen Margo
• Kevin Sorbo as Captain
• Ken Daviatan as Xerxes
• Diedrich Bader as Traitoro
• Method Man as Persian Emissonary
• Travis Von Winkle as Sonio
• Phil Morris as Mesenger

The cast is hardly worth mentioning.  They all played their roles to the best ability the pathetic screenplay and direction allowed them to.  I’m sure they all joined in on the idea of a quick paycheck in a movie that would be easily forgotten about in six months.

Ratings and Suggestions

This film is rated PG-13, but some of the sexual innuendo is a bit out there and not unlike You Don’t Mess With The Zohan I feel like this film was incorrectly rated and should have been an “R” rating.  Not that it matters.  No one should rent, or even bother to view this film for free.  It’s a complete waste of time and total insult to anyone who has a brain that functions with an IQ over 50.  The film is hardly a parody, it’s just mundane and superfluous.  Please, by all means don’t bother.  I feel most unfortunate for having wasted so much of my precious time and money.  Meet The Spartans gets Half A Star out of Four, and that half star is based on Carmen Electra’s overwhelming hottness. 

You Don’t Mess With The Zohan (2008)

Rated PG-13 for graphic language, sex-related innuendo, mild nudity

Directed By: Dennis Dugan

Written By: Robert Smigel, Adam Sandler, and Judd Apatow

Synopsis

Zohan is a playboy of the Israeli commando world.  He cannot be killed or beaten, and has captured some of the most vile of Palestinian terrorists ever, including the formidable “Phantom”.  Israel decides to trade Phantom for one of their own agents and Zohan’s obvious disgruntlement with the nature of his profession along with the violence of it has finally worn on him.  In a showdown with Phantom, Zohan fakes his own death and leaves for the United States in order to pursue his dream of becoming a hair dresser for the infamous Paul Mitchell.  Immediately, Zohan does not fit into New Yorks hip snobbery, though is oblivious to it himself.  Now, he not only suffers anonymity, but he must start his career in a new shop run by Palestinians and avoid being recognized by anyone.

Review

Adam Sandler is back.  You Don’t Mess With Zohan is the first comedy he’s made in years that has any likeness to the vulgar and shocking comedy of Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore.  The past few years it seems he’s focused more on the sweeter side doing films like Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, Click, Eight Crazy Nights, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, which simply just were sub-par to the gentle hearted comedy of The Wedding Singer.  You Don’t Mess With Zohan incorporates an off-kilter dialect that is silly as his Waterboy and Little Nicky interpretations yet have an undeniable sweetness in it’s creation. 

There has been a standard in the film community to which critics and otherwise felt Sandler movies should live up to, and those are generally Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer, yet critics hated each movie and both suffered devastating reviews, which clearly states: Critics don’t get Sandler.  Ten years from now they may be singing a different tune about the brilliant comic delivery and creation of You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.  The fact is, die hard Sandler fans, the ones that liked Waterboy, Little Nicky, and 50 First Dates, are going to love this nonsensical movie about a terrorist assassin turned hair stylist. 

Sandler’s obvious affection for the 80’s plays an intricate piece to the feel of this movie.  Our lead character is a man stuck in a time where music was silly and fun and the more hairspray the better.  It’s all about the “silky smooth”.  The awkwardness of the 80’s incorporated into 2008 is plain funny when Zohan is completely oblivious to the fact that his Paul Mitchell hair book is no longer relevant twenty years later even though it’s completely acceptable in his home land.  The visual humour of Zohan/ Scrappy Cocoa’s physical appearance is matched by his outrageous personality that is both vulgar, sweet, and so nonchalant about it’s ridiculous nature it’s impossible not to laugh along with.

There is an obvious serious nature involving the subject at jest, but it doesn’t stop the film makers from making each moment laughable.  Every spoof and joke is followed so quickly by another it’s easy to miss even more in between.  With a film this over the top and jokes that are never-ending, it’s difficult not to just let go and be entertained by it’s outrageous quality.  To take it seriously at all would be it’s death. 

There is an acknowledgement on many levels to the situation upon which this story was created, and somehow it’s makers manage to address it in a way that is comedic without insulting it’s validity.  It also avoids being racist or offensive in it’s jesting at stereotypes.  Most of the humour that involved stereotypes felt affectionate toward the stereotypes and was more or less embraced rather than mocked.  It’s a movie full of nonsense but it also was a poignant reminder that we should all be able to laugh at ourselves and remember we are all just people.  Could there be more hummus?

The only real negative aspect of the movie was a certain depletion in momentum from the beginning.  Toward it’s random climax, some of the building comedy waned off and distractions like Mariah Carey’s nails on a chalkboard brief performance interrupted the path to the obvious finale. Even with that small critique, it was very nearly the funniest movie I’ve seen in a year. Hummas and all.

Cast

• Adam Sandler as Zohan/Scrappy Cocoa
• John Turturro as Phantom
• Emmanuelle Chriqui as Dalia
• Rob Schneider as Salim
• Nick Swardsen as Michael
• Lanie Kazan as Gail
• Chris Rock as Taxi Driver
• Ahmed Ahmed as Waleed
• Hummus as Itself

Sandler was actually in the best shape I’ve ever seen him in, and for his sexaholic, cut off jean-shorts wearing character, a nice set of quadriceps was a thankful addition to his hilarious performance.  Sandler avoided the over sentimental feel so many of his movies have incidentally drowned in and succeeded in having a clear kindness and sweet message, but never leaving the comedy train of the crazy Zohan.  As becomes a near usual, Sandler’s friends and fellow actors made some pretty humorous cameo’s in this roller coaster ride of silliness.  Kevin Nealon’s performance, while brief was particularly funny, and the moments between Kevin James and John McEnroe absolutely hilarious.  John Turturro as Zohan’s ultimate terrorist nemesis was essentially hysterical to the point of watering eyes.  The only role played at all straight was that of Dalia by Emmanuelle Chriqui.  While her character attempted to be the voice of reason and bring order to the movie, she was consistently over-trumped by not only Zohan, but her own over the hill customers. 

Ratings And Suggestions

If you aren’t already an Adam Sandler fan or don’t appreciate some of his past work, more than likely You Don’t Mess With The Zohan isn’t going to be your cup of tea.  It sustains all the best qualities of his previous movies and evolved them into a fresh idea for a plot and theme that is unlike anything out there today.  Though each and every aspect of it’s existence is virtual insanity it’s impossible not to get caught up in.  For all the old fans of Adam Sandler movies, you are in for a well waited treat.  For those that aren’t, by all means, don’t take yourself so seriously and enjoy You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.  This is worth the expensive trip to the theatre to be able to share the laughter with a crowd of people gut busting next to you.  This is an easy purchase for me once it hits the DVD stands.  Three And A Half Hummus Filled Stars.

Unfaithful (2002)

Rated R for sexuality, language and a scene of violence.

124 Minutes

Directed By: Adrian Lyne

Written By: Alvin Sargent

No. It would start out like that, and then, um, something would happen. Someone, uh, finds out, or someone falls in love, and it ends disastrously. It always ends disastrously.  -Tracy

Synopsis

A married suburban wife meets a symbolic crossroad in her life that leads her down the path of adultery with a much younger man.  It’s only a matter of time before her devoted husband begins to suspect something has gone awry.  The truth becomes difficult to decipher, and careless becomes Connies actions.  Will she be caught, or will she come to her senses and return to her life of comfort peace? 

Review

Director Adrian Lyne seems to have an affection for films that involve disastrous results of extra-marital affairs.  Films like Fatal Attraction, Indecent Proposal, and now Unfaithful are all movies that prove that in any situation, with even the happiest of couples, cheating always ends badly.  Fatal Attraction and Indecent Proposal did a much better job of securing this theory in a way that was both entertaining and perplexing.  Unfaithful paved down a much simpler road that relied more on the melodrama than the actual destruction Diane Lane’s actions created.

While her performance was possibly the best of her career, her motivations and behavior was typical for a person in this situation.  She isn’t even unhappy in her marriage or life, she’s more or less complacent.  A moment of excitement and thrill sends her chasing after a younger guy that becomes very less of a relationship and more of a lustful addiction.  Suddenly, her addiction puts the rest of her life in peril as she begins to let her two lives come close to intertwining.  I think the problem with this, was the situation became too authentic, yet the reactions and behavior it was perceived in were too sensationalized.  The film cuts dangerously close to reality and by doing so a realistic reaction, behavior, and interpretation of the scenes is a necessary response.  But there was this feel of over the top drama that really became an awkward distraction.

Another problem this film created by being so authentic to it’s subject matter, was that it became at times just uncomfortable and boring.  Sure, what was at stake was important, but something else should have been added into the mix.  Adrian Lyne focused on it being too stylized instead of remembering the viewer needs something more to soak in than gratuitous love scenes, a simple plot, and character arcs that are predictable because no extra conflict has been thrown in the mix.  I’m all for a simple story if it’s told in a way that is captivating, but this one actually felt pretentious at times. 

Sure, the ending was pretty intense, but being such a drastic reaction in a story where everything is played more low key, made it almost feel out of place and unrealistic.  If the rest of the way the story had been told gave some feeling of momentum building in that direction it may have, but in the end I felt like it was contrived and just meant to shock rather than be the lesson to the moral of the story.

Cast

• Diane Lane as Connie Summer
• Richard Gere as Ed Summer
• Oliver Martinez as Paul Martel
• Chad Lowe as Bill Stone
• Michelle Monaghan as Lindsay
• Kate Burton as Tracy
• Erik Per Sullivan as Charlie Summer

The most interesting component about this movie was the performance by Diane Lane.  While her character is not necessarily likable, and asks for little sympathy for her sinful behavior, the dedication to which she completely surrenders herself in that role makes it all the more interesting to soak in.  Her beauty alone is breath taking, but her intensity sucks you in long enough to want to stick around and understand what makes her tick.  The film never gives an outright answer to the “why” of her character’s behavior, but her performance does a stellar job in making Connie seem much more complex than she actually is.  Her two leading men, Richard Gere and Oliver Martinez turned out sound performances as well, making the nature of the story much easier to stomach.

Ratings And Suggestions

Though the content of Unfaithful is complex in it’s nature the stories theme, pacing, and character depiction became too one dimensional and predictable.  The only positives included Diane Lanes amazing performance, the stylized look of the movie, and the steamy sexual interludes.  Unfortunately, those examples just weren’t enough compensation for a movie that drowned in it’s own depressive feel and melodrama.  This is not a film I enjoyed, nor is it one I would recommend to anyone.  For a movie in this genre please view Indecent Proposal or Fatal Attraction, the examples of adultery may be more extreme, but the stories and character’s are much more interesting as well.  The best I can do for Unfaithful is One And A Half out of Four Stars.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Rated PG-13 for intense sci-fi terror and violence.

92 Minutes

Directed By: Joe Johnston

Written By: Peter Buchman

Based On The Character’s created by: Michael Crichton

Either way… you probably won’t get off this island alive. -Dr. Alan Grant

Synopsis

Dr. Alan Grant is back to doing what he does best: digging up the bones of the extinct creatures of Earths past; dinosaurs.  Even with a terrible fiasco involving a lose Tyrannosaur and San Francisco he has moved on with his life in the peace and harmony of the vastness of Montana’s badlands.  That is until he’s approached by a rich couple who offer an enormous amount of money to be flown around the island of Isla Sorna and take Grant on as a guide.  The couple insists even after Grant explains he never was on Isla Sorna, and finally against his best judgement he gives in.  While explaining to the Kirby’s about some of the islands herbivores the plane sets down, Grant is knocked unconscious and awakens to being attacked by a dinosaur bigger than the T-Rex and the knowledge that the Kirby’s were really on the island in search of their son.  With the plane destroyed from the attack, Grant finds himself stranded on an island full of viscous dinosaurs once again.

Review

JP III was a success where The Lost World failed.  The Lost World had so many problems revolving back to the epic feel of Jurassic Park, but then continually lost sight of the bigger picture and regressed into a simplistic monster movie.  From the first five minutes of Jurassic Park III there is no question it’s goal is to be nothing more than a monster movie.  While the ideology of the original is lost and forgotten and there is virtually no remnants left of the mystery and awe of Crichton’s original vision of what Jurassic Park really was, JP III was better than I could ever have expected.  The character’s are the same only by name, the locations familiar, but the enigma of the creation is completely gone and irrelevant in JP III as it becomes an action packed sci-fi movie that leaned more towards fan fiction than a professional movie, but somehow turned out as agreeable.

The dinosaurs this time around are nothing more than props of fear to drive through our character’s who’s motivators are skeptical and humorous rather than actually serious.  The plot is so paper thin you can’t take it seriously and suddenly this movie that seemed like it was going to be a nightmare becomes entertaining.  It’s funny, action packed, and keeps you busy throughout it’s short ninety-two minute span.  If not for the return of Alan Grant played again by Sam Neill it is possible I would be singing a different tune.  The familiarity of his character, the comfort of his dinosaur knowledge, along with his brilliant acting talents doesn’t make the story plausible, but it makes it have some form of integrity, even if it’s very small.

Forget the mysticism or curiosity about the past of our “Terrible Lizards” which was vastly explored in Jurassic Park, and mildly touched on in The Lost World.  In Jurassic Park III they are both visually and otherwise made as pawns to stimulate action scenes that put the main character’s in constant peril.  With some pretty ridiculous claims about eggs, dinosaur feces, dinosaur urine, Raptor communications, and Isla Sorna itself, Jurassic Park III takes no time to really divulge any new theories or information about the dinosaurs in recent years.  However, that becomes pretty clear after the first dinosaur attack.  If you aren’t liking what you are seeing at that point, it doesn’t really evolve much.  I would say, this movie probably just isn’t for you.

Frankly, it’s not entirely clear what the directors and writers goals were for this movie.  If they only wanted to make a silly monster movie then they were successful.  This is no masterpiece, but it’s not a bad movie, in spite of itself either.  It is almost what T3 was to the series of Terminator, except The Lost World was a disaster instead of superior.  Either way, it’s not really an addition to the story, it’s a stand alone that is good if you look at it as a stand alone, rather than an additional piece of a puzzle.

The best part of the movie visually was the scene in the Aviary.  That was just simply put together so well and an homage to Jurassic Park the novel without actually being obvious about it.  The other dinosaurs were pretty extreme again, but they lacked the realistic feel they did in both Jurassic Park and The Lost World.  There was too much CGI that often left them feeling fake, even though it was pretty impressive CGI.  They lacked the life in their eyes, and that made them considerably less frightening and interesting.

Cast

• Sam Neill as Dr. Alan Grant
• William H. Macy as Paul Kirby
• Tea Leoni as Amanda Kirby
• Alessandro Nivola as Billy Brennen
• Trevor Morgan as Erik Kirby
• Micheal Jeter as Mr. Udesky
• Laura Dern as Dr. Ellie Sattler

Sam Neill making the return for this addition was a pleasure.  His character was missed in The Lost World even though it had no relative place, but the down to earth level headed bravado of Dr. Grant was sorrily missed.  Perhaps this version was less focused on the dramatic aspect of the story, but he carried it well and his timing on the jokes made some of the more cheesy one liners laughable.  William H. Macy and Tea Leoni are both pretty strong actors and each played their roles perfectly.  Tea Leoni as the whiny and annoying wife and William H. Macy as the neurotic and insecure Dad who is in way over his head came off much more natural than those roles had a right to be, but their delivery made it possible.  Laura Dern’s cameo provided a hysterical finale, but also a neat tie-up between herself and an explanation of the relationship between herself and Grant.  It gave it a lot more integrity with her actually playing the role rather than have Grant verbally explain it.

Ratings And Suggestions

The truth is if they made another Jurassic Park like the Lost World, I would have very little desire to see it, but if another was made like Jurassic Park III I would feel inclined.  It’s really a pretty awful movie, but somehow still likable.  The annoying characters, the ridiculous plot, the new understanding about Raptor intelligence and communication, the over the top new dinosaur foe is all so implausible you sit threw the movie laughing hysterically at it’s nonsense but enjoying the nonsense in the same moment.  Each time I finish viewing it I can’t comprehend the passing enjoyment I have from it.  Truly, it’s a paradox, but I don’t believe I’m alone in this sentiment either.  So onward JP creators and writers.  I praise not taking yourself too seriously and having a movie turn out in mediocre fashion rather than a mediocre movie taking itself too seriously and becoming unlikable.  Thumbs up for the nonsensical enjoyment that is Jurassic Park III.  Two Stars out of Four.

Shinobi (2007) Marc’s Review

Rated R for violence.

Shinobi is apparently the live action version of an older Anime and Manga story.  I’m coming to this movie not having seen or read either of the latter.  I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing, but even knowing that now after watching the movie, I don’t feel like there were any unexplained or missing plot points I need to search out.  On the contrary, Shinobi does a fantastic job of establishing and pulling us directly into a vibrant and textured setting from the start. 

 

Shinobi is a lot of things, all of them good to great in my opinion, but it is at heart a Romeo and Juliet homage.  The general framework of the story, lovers doomed to be forever separated by warring family interests carries the main narrative thrust.  Within that framework there are mostly subtle, textured allusions to the Romeo and Juliet story, and some not quite so subtle.  We are quickly introduced to the separate warring houses – the clan Iga and Kogua – and had the translation ran just a tad differently – I would have expected to hear how they were ‘both alike in dignity.’  And at more than one point in the film a character refers to their plight being caused by ‘crossed stars.’  That’s a minor quibble really, and not even a quibble.  It’s all well done, and the film brings so many original and striking characters to the screen the basic Shakespearean conceit is not something to be overcome but enjoyed.

 

Our lovers, the beautiful Oboro of the Iga, and the stoically haunted Gen-no-suke of the Kouga are Shinobi.  Shinobi are mythical warriors created deep inside the hidden mountain ranges of central Japan.  Each coming from a separate village, they are at once eternal enemies and also servants to the Emperor.  Every Shinobi is trained from birth to be a fearsome warrior, and each grows to develop a special talent or ability that aids them in their fighting.  Physical conflict between the two villages, Iga and Kouga has been strictly forbidden by Imperial decree.  It’s during these years of stalemate that Oboro and Gen-no-suke meet in the river valley no-mans-land between the villages, and fall in love.

 

These plot points are laid out for you early in the film, and not spoiling for you in any way.  Naturally, Oboro and Gen-no-suke can not be left to their hidden love, as times are changing in Japan and plans go into action that will forever change not just our lovers but their villages as well.  I’m not going to give much more away, it’s a delight for you to experience if you should watch it.

 

I’d like to call out my appreciation to the choreography, supporting characters and special effects.  The martial arts in this movie fall into the supernatural kind, with characters having physical and mystical abilities out of myth and legend.  As the plot grows, we are shown 4 additional members of each village clan, and although they each have little screen time, the most is made of every minute.  A few get more time than others, and the textures with which the two forces interact add depth to the story of the Shinobi in what may be their waining days. 

 

The camera work and choreography is nothing short of A grade.  The camera angles and shot composition take a robust but modest special effects budget and deliver thrilling action scenes.  No doubt American audiences will compare this movie to Crouching Tiger – Hidden Dragon.  On a very superficial level you could compare the two, but where CTHD brought an almost Ballet sensibility to it’s action scenes, Shinobi is more of a combination of competitive Ice Skating and the NHL.  Quick, purposeful, fluid and at the same time beautiful in movement, the fight’s take place with purpose and are both story driven and involving.

 

The special effects are used with restraint, and enough style that where they fall short of being photo realistic – it’s done in a stylized manner that adds to – rather than detracts from the film.  I’d like to call out one particular sequence, where one of the Shinobi reveals his appearance and works to absorb an aspect of another.  It’s framed so well it was quite beautiful and horrific all at once. 

 

As the Shinobi interact, blood is shed, fates are entwined and torn apart, and as the story develops, you see that you’re not going to end up with both lovers laid upon a stone table, poison bottle clattering to the floor.  Even if you are not usually a fan of martial arts movies I can eagerly recommend this film.  It’s story, acting and cast move it far beyond the garden variety chopsoky light.

3.5 out of 4 stars.

 

“I do not regret that meeting…….”

CAST

• Yukie Nakama …  Oboro (Iga)
   Jô Odagiri …  Kouga Gen-no-suke (Kouga) (as Joe Odagiri)
   Tomoka Kurotani …  Kagerou (Kouga)
   Erika Sawajiri …  Hotarubi (Iga)
   Kippei Shiina …  Yakushiji Tenzen (Iga)
   Takeshi Masu …  Muroga Hyouma (Kouga)
   Mitsuki Koga …  Chikuma Koshirou (Kouga)
   Tak Sakaguchi …  Yasha-maru (Iga)
   Houka Kinoshita …  Kisaragi Saemon (Kouga)
   Shun Ito …  Minonenki (Iga)
   Riri …  O-Gen (Head of Iga-clan)
   Minoru Terada …  Kouga Danjou (Head of Kouga-clan)
   Masaki Nishina …  Yagyu Jyubei Mitsuyoshi
   Toshiya Nagasawa …  Yagyu Tajima-no-kami Munenori
   Yutaka Matsushige …  Hattori Hanzou